• Biography

    A tea-loving, dirt-worshiping circus freak commonly found climbing large trees in a dress and stilettos. A girl finally ready to risk it all and let the world know who she is and what she stands for.
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The Futurist Manifesto/The Female Manifesto

 

I always choose to present these two pieces together. The second piece, which I have adapted from the first, seems to define itself only when posed against the other.

 

The Manifesto of Futurism

F. T. Marinetti, 1909

1. We want to sing the love of danger, the habit of energy and rashness.

2. The essential elements of our poetry will be courage, audacity and revolt.

3. Literature has up to now magnified pensive immobility, ecstasy and slumber. We want to exalt movements of aggression, feverish sleeplessness, the double march, the perilous leap, the slap and the blow with the fist.

4. We declare that the splendor of the world has been enriched by a new beauty: the beauty of speed. A racing automobile with its bonnet adorned with great tubes like serpents with explosive breath … a roaring motor car which seems to run on machine-gun fire, is more beautiful than the Victory of Samothrace.

5. We want to sing the man at the wheel, the ideal axis of which crosses the earth, itself hurled along its orbit.

6. The poet must spend himself with warmth, glamour and prodigality to increase the enthusiastic fervor of the primordial elements.

7. Beauty exists only in struggle. There is no masterpiece that has not an aggressive character. Poetry must be a violent assault on the forces of the unknown, to force them to bow before man.

8. We are on the extreme promontory of the centuries! What is the use of looking behind at the moment when we must open the mysterious shutters of the impossible? Time and Space died yesterday. We are already living in the absolute, since we have already created eternal, omnipresent speed.

9. We want to glorify war — the only cure for the world — militarism, patriotism, the destructive gesture of the anarchists, the beautiful ideas which kill, and contempt for woman.

10. We want to demolish museums and libraries, fight morality, feminism and all opportunist and utilitarian cowardice.

11. We will sing of the great crowds agitated by work, pleasure and revolt; the multi-colored and polyphonic surf of revolutions in modern capitals: the nocturnal vibration of the arsenals and the workshops beneath their violent electric moons: the gluttonous railway stations devouring smoking serpents; factories suspended from the clouds by the thread of their smoke; bridges with the leap of gymnasts flung across the diabolic cutlery of sunny rivers: adventurous steamers sniffing the horizon; great-breasted locomotives, puffing on the rails like enormous steel horses with long tubes for bridle, and the gliding flight of aeroplanes whose propeller sounds like the flapping of a flag and the applause of enthusiastic crowds.

 

The Female Manifesto

Haley Kooyman, 2010

 

1. We want to sing the love of danger, the habit of wiles and laughter.

2. The essential elements of our poetry will be courage, generosity and silence.

3. Literature has up to now magnified desperate romantics, ecstasy and weakness. We want to exalt movements of poise, feverish looks, the bubbling smiles, the perilous dance, the gaze and the brush of the hand.

4. We declare that the splendor of the world has been enriched by a new beauty: the beauty of femininity. A steadfast woman with her eyes adorned with great jewels like stars with explosive brightness … a purring siren who seems to run on ardor and intelligence, is more beautiful than the damsel saved.

5. We want to sing the man at attention, the ideal stance which crosses the earth, all adoring her womanhood.

6. The woman must adorn herself with warmth, glamour and prodigality to increase the enthusiastic fervor of the animalistic brawn that clings to her.

7. Beauty exists only in grace. There is no masterpiece that has not a kind character. Poetry must be a brilliant assault on the forces of the unknown, to invite them to bow before woman.

8. We are on the extreme promontory of the centuries! What is the use of looking at the glass when we must open the mysterious shutters of the impossible? Time and Space shall be manipulated in accordance with her want. We are already living with the harsher sex, and have better since we’ve learned to control them

9. We want to glorify the hourglass — the only cure for the hungry eyes — the well manicured nails, the wave of hair, the familiarity of fine speech, and the contempt for uncleanliness.

10. We want to demolish weakness and fear, fight stupidity, a lack of awareness, and oppose the multitudes of cowardly women.

11. We will sing of the great crowds excited by play, pleasure and caressing; the multi-colored and well cut dresses found according to modern designs: the nocturnal vibration of the bed frame and the couples entwined in their violent electric fantasy: the intriguing silence devouring its male prey; moments suspended from the clouds by the thread of their essence; legs that can leap like gymnasts to be admired as sunny rivers: adventurous creativity sniffing the horizon; great-breasted goddesses, posing during dusk like enormous pillows with a knack for inviting your longing, and the gliding step of that sculpted foot whose heel sounds like the ticking of a clock and the applause of enthusiastic crowds.

How NOT to Rob a Bank

 

We parked directly in front of the bank, next to an oversized white bro truck that was very characteristic of the area. Scott, my step-dad, got out and went to take care of whatever business he had inside. I’m not one to spend any more time than necessary in banks, so I stayed in the car and stared at myself in the flip-down mirror of the visor. This is also very characteristic. We had gone to a Cirque de Soleil show a few days prior, and a plastic mask I had been given in the Tapis Rouge tent was on the floor of the passenger’s seat. White-faced with delicate features and a red target symbol dotting the tip of its nose, this full-face mask was beautiful albeit a tad creepy. I placed it on my face and began experimenting with angles in the mirror, as I had learned to do in my mask class (see previous post). The bro in his white truck was on his phone, and he abruptly pulled out of his parking space next to me.

The mask in question.

 I still had my seatbelt on in the passenger seat and had the mask on my lap when Scott stepped out of the bank door. A police officer seemed to appear right before him as he headed to the vehicle, and through a slightly open window I heard him yell, nervously, “Sir, is this your car? Sir, is this your car?” Why do cops repeat themselves before giving you the chance to answer? It’s rude. Scott said yes. As it does in these instances, time moved at a leisurely pace. The officer kept an eye on Scott as I looked around to see an entire squadron of police cars behind me. Cops get bored in small towns, so if something exciting happens it’s like a field day for them. They’re all there, they’re all jumpy, they’re all young and trigger happy. I heard the phrase, “If you move, you will be shot,” and the color drained from my already pale face. Now, understand that I am incredibly afraid of guns. Point so much as a squirt gun at me and you’ll see the results. My knees buckle, I start to cry, my eyes widen and I revert back to my cowering 3-year-old self. “Get the passenger,” was the next phrase I heard, but it was almost inaudible over the sound of the two helicopters that had joined the party. A young man with a loaded M-16 rounded the corner, sight aimed straight at my head. I can only imagine the amount of fingers on triggers of other guns that were aimed in a similar direction. The door was opened. “Get out.”

There was a problem that I couldn’t manage to voice—my seatbelt was still on, and not every one of the officers with their cold, black, phallic firearms could see that.  If I moved, I would be shot, right? I stuttered and said nothing. Slowly, I reached down to my waist and waited for the crack of the gun that would end me. Click! It was the seatbelt. It was off, and I emerged onto the scene. I was not dressed well and I had on a bulky long skirt that I had (ugh) rolled up to make it shorter. Obviously this bulky roll would be the perfect place to hide whatever, so my 14-year-old hips were manhandled by the officer until I was deemed safe. We were not cuffed, instead we were sat on a curb as the bank manager (who knows my step-dad well since they’re both very friendly people) emerges and enlightens the cops on their mistake. Thank goodness, too, or I fear things might have been taken even further. I was scolded for my stupidity, which I readily accepted. What kind of sane person would decide to wear a full-face mask while sitting in front of a bank?

You see, apparently someone had robbed this bank wearing a similar clown mask 6 weeks prior. The man in the truck had called in my appearance to the authorities, thinking that I was an accomplice to the man who had just happily walked into the bank with a deposit slip in his hand. He must have been a terrible judge of body language and quick to jump to conclusions to think that a little girl in the passenger’s seat of a Lexus was going to rob a bank… but that’s how it went, and my mask and I managed not only shut down two banks, but also to gather an entire village of patrol cars, helicopters and policemen.

You can laugh now—both with me and at me.

On the Benefits of Theatrical Masking.

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
-Oscar Wilde

 

When I tell other artists that I prefer to use masks in theatre because of the safety they provide, those artists often scoff and launch into a diatribe designed to make me give up art entirely, because how dare I call myself an artist without being willing to exploit 100% of myself, without danger in my decision making, without risking my entire sense of humanity in order to create a “pure” performance. Apparently those artists speak in ridiculous run on sentences—have you experienced that as well? They just seem to go on and on, like I do. They forget the mask that I mentioned, they even forget that I’m a performer and not a person.  They just spit out these paradigms that they’ve been taught diligently by the private art institutions that their parents so willingly pay for. Safe art is boring, it’s limited, it gives way to little creativity. There is no other way to make art other than to sit on a table stark naked and shove yams up your ass. Right?

I’m here to challenge that notion, particularly as it applies to theatre and circus. I began mask technique at the ripe age of thirteen. It was a mystical world and I couldn’t understand why the masks were treated with such reverence. I was made to enter the studio alone and face over 30 masks. They had human features– a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth of sorts—but the shapes, colors, profiles and contours of the faces were anything but familiar. And yet, as I met each mask, the reaction I had to each was as unique as meeting 30 different people for the first time. Some seemed to dominate me, others to cajole me, others to make me chuckle or be filled with rage. I’d pick them up hold them level with my face, their blank eyes staring at me. This is the mask in itself.   

Once early humans figured out how to waste less time securing food and shelter, they began to use that extra time to tell stories about how they secured those needs. The skin of a bear was worn over the shoulders, feathers were used for adornment, in some parts of the country a man was crowned with the head of his enemy predator. These were the earliest masks, coverings that man used to shed his own nature and take on another. Man felt an unforgiving need to not only to share his stories, but to take on other character’s roles as well. The second crucial part of mask technique is the actor himself, the man with the urge to tell a story

The third, final, and most subjective part of mask technique is the character. Once I had found my mask to use for the remainder of that class, we set in and spent every Friday afternoon unearthing a character from that mask. Though a series of exercises that encouraged us to “imagine as if it were so”, we began not to decide on a character but instead uncover it. Many of these exercises were physically and emotionally brutal. They were designed to wear us down to a point where we could no longer project our preconceived notions onto the mask, but instead the mask and the actor came together organically and a character suddenly existed. I struggled in this class. My love of making pretty shapes with my body and creating “the best” characters held me back at first, and it wasn’t until one particular grueling exercise in which the narrator of the class led us through a series of frightening psychological exercises (You’re in an underground cave being chased by an unknown evil monster, you can hear it coming behind you and you must crawl forward, the cave is getting smaller, the monster is getting closer… so on and so forth) that I relinquished control to my mask and ended up with a pure and delightful character that I created freely. Physically wearing the mask meant that no one could see the tears streaming down my face or the terror in my eyes as I crawled through the tunnel. All they saw was my mask and my body, my most beloved instrument, “performing” in such a manner that was captivating and present. The mask is the catalyst by which the actor frees himself into a character. The mask is a Rorschach onto which the audience (not the actor) projects the emotions and story that the body is conveying.  Once the actor submits to this, he is free to exist honestly in whatever world that has been created around him. That is the goal in acting, isn’t it?

Masking has certainly developed over time. Early Greek theatre used exaggerated masks to project emotion all the way to the nosebleed section of Epidaurus. In the 16th century the Italians grasped onto the idea, utilizing stock character masks to play out often-improvised scenes and scenarios in Commedia dell’arte. Japanese Noh theatre used intricate masks seemed to change emotion simply by tilting the head. Neutral masking techniques (those plain white masks that are freaky as hell) are often used for movement studies in theatre schools. I would even go so far as to posit that a clown’s nose is just a very small mask that has the same psychological properties as a full or half mask. In cirque we see characters with painted faces, yet another form of masking that aids a performer in honest transformation. Last week I performed my comedic contortion piece for my class. Lately I’ve developed an every day air of understated gracefulness (or so I hope), so I’m sure it surprised my classmates to see me openly acting as an amorous, outlandish French man with a penchant for curvy women. To be honest, it surprised me as well! I gave myself over to that character with such fervor I almost though myself amazing, until I looked closer and realized that all I had really done was use this technique in a minimal way. I created a resting facial positing for him that in no way resembled my own, and I would always return to this position after expressing emotions of any sort. This became my mask, and as a result of that wee bit of safety I was suddenly able to perform with an electricity that I haven’t seen out of myself in a long, long time. Moments happened that weren’t rehearsed or contrived, they were happening to “mon croque monsieur” (translation: my ham sandwich, a fitting name) and he was responding to them organically. That performance inspired me to look back on my mask training and start to understand how it can serve me as a budding circus artist. I do not intend to rehash what has already been done: instead I wish to continue pushing the boundaries that the New American circus movement created for me not too long ago.

Coming back to where we started (remember the precocious artist with the run-on sentences?), I’ll conclude what I always conclude: I’m right and they’re terribly misguided. By giving a man a mask, you are giving him a means to create and show a truth that is far deeper than anything he could accomplish by himself, with his own hang-ups and vulnerabilities.  I would even venture to say that by using this thin guideline of safety we can drive our performances further into that beautiful, dangerous place that is good theatre… and then we can come out the other side without the neurosis that so often afflicts unprotected actors.

Stay tuned for a gut-busting story about a situation my love of masks got me into one day. It includes helicopters and M-16’s, and you should read it.

 

All opinions expressed are my own and have been shaped by my mentors in the art.

On Fireworks.

I wanted to be a firework. I was convinced that every speck of light that exploded from the center of the firework was a living person in a little light buggy. They would steer themselves through the sky to create the firework’s pattern, and when the light went out they would perish with it. Death was absolutely certain, but I didn’t mind. All I wanted to do was drive a firework light buggy through the night sky—and steer myself in the wrong direction. The rules (as they usually are with me) would be completely disregarded, and I would drive that light right into the sky.

A Little Human Bean

Talk to me, bean-to-bean.

 

Recently I came across photos of little toddler Haley. From what I can see, little toddler Haley was an inquisitive, adventurous little squirt with a 90’s bowl cut and wide brown eyes that always seemed (in the photos) to be actively perceiving and computing the world around her. My pride swells seeing that I’ve been an observer since birth.

I imagine those eyes were quite alive during this next memory, peering from understand my father’s pool table as he stood, cue in his hand like a wise man’s walking stick. He was proud, thoughtful, and deeply philosophical. At three my passion in life was to watch Pocahontas, and when my father would stand and preach his word I imagined him to be the tribal chief speaking boldly to his people, his children. In my mind I put him on a giant throne made of tree stumps and drew in tall sycamore trees in the background, but those weren’t the actual circumstances. The earthy smell of his garage was pungent that day and he was losing his calm and he tried to define humanity.  We are all Human Beans and we are equal, for no matter what we construct in our lives at the core of us is that fact. Of course, my father wasn’t really talking about little beans. He was speaking of us as Beings, as people who be, and to fulfill our lives we must be as we are and nothing else. The word “being” was lost in translation, and the very words “Human Bean” inspired young mind began to create a doctrine that would fuel how I lived and related with others forevermore.

You see, when I heard “Human Bean” I imagined that he was referring to a small sort or kidney bean that existed within all of us. That bean existed in my center just behind my solar plexus and it contained the true essence of me—my soul, if you will. Whatever grew around it–the body, the mind, the career, the fashion, the words, the experiences—were merely constructed. Whether or not one acknowledges the true inner workings of the bean was reflective of one’s character. I believed that it was “good” to search for an understanding with your bean, and “bad” to hide it away for no one to see, or to ignore it all together.  When I loved properly I knew it was my bean loving another’s bean, not my mind loving their smile or my heart loving their attention.

This is a sacred connection that I’ll always strive for, this bean-on-bean love fest where two beans find each other and just can’t help but shine on together. We cannot manufacture or manipulate our beans, for their job is to comprise our essence and connect us with the earth and all her bounty and they will not be deterred. We all have beans and we are all equals, and to deny the bean in another (through violence, hatred, or murder) is to deny your own and bury it deeper in the abyss.

When someone allows their bean to flourish, they become a magnetic and inspiring force. They are able to shine and live with light because they have journeyed and have reached a state of pure, awesome vulnerability. When someone buries their bean, it becomes evident to those that surround them. They are suddenly capable of the most horrific actions, or else they fade away before your eyes.

I don’t know if this is what my father meant by his speech in the garage that day, but I bet he would be proud if he knew his three-year-old daughter was sitting under the pool table pondering the little kidney bean that made her unique and beautiful. Later I would have a reoccurring nightmare that was an extension of this memory, in which my father would cut off his feet and toss them to me with a grin on his face, his feet in my hands. I try not to let the odd dream ruin this memory for me. It was a small moment, a passing moment, but it was the first moment of questioning and the first moment in which I saw my father shining so bright in his dark, musty garage. Perhaps it was the last time he exhibited such light, as everything seemed spiral downward for him after that. In the end, he too buried his bean and the rest of us were left watching him slowly but surely disappear into desperation. Even still, this is how I choose to remember him: head held high, bean-a-shining, shooting some pool in his garage on a lazy, idyllic afternoon.

Let It Hang Out

I intend to be brave on this blog and to use it to finally open up and let my stories out, even if my audience is no one in particular. As much as the stories from my past are grind-your-face-in-the-gutter terrible (or just plain ridiculous), so my musings on my present and future will be all the more positive and curious in their nature. To this I am committed.

To start, I’ll tell you who I am, to me.

First it must be acknowledged that I absolutely love to eat. This is important only as it provides the only through-line of my life. Food was given and Food was taken away. Food caused illness and Food inspired health. Food existed when family did, and when family fell apart Food went with it. Food is my means of communication when I just can’t muster the courage for actual words. With food comes tea. I’ve measured out my life in increments of 3-5 minutes, the time it takes to steep a perfect cup of Earl Grey.

I’m 19 1/2, and when I look in the mirror I know I’m weathered. I’m worn. Worst, I’m wrinkled– the deep-set Russian eyes that have been in my family for hundreds of years start developing crows feet before 20.  It’s as though they come pre-aged, like a fine cheese.

I am a genuine paste-eating weirdo. I’ve worn bright blue eye shadow from lashes to brow, feather boas were once a daily fashion staple, and I can apply a perfect mime-white face faster than anyone I know.  I’m a registered libertarian and I keep up on politics, though I keep my mouth shut because I’m right and you’re wrong and I’m no fun to debate with. (While we’re here, can someone PLEASE tell the Occupy movement that they’re embarrassing me?) When you ask me where I feel most at home the image that comes to my head is a nude Haley lounging by some rocky mountain stream, spliff in one hand and a book in the other.  Or it’s an impeccably dressed Haley floating through the streets of downtown Chicago, a smile on her face and light in her eyes as she searches for the little Russian Tea House where she’ll have lunch and a vodka flight. Or it’s Haley in her kitchen sweating over her wok as she prepares dinner, Haley pretending she’s a robot while dancing to Michael Jackson wearing nothing but a pair of socks, Haley sitting on a trapeze, Haley swimming like a mermaid in the Pacific Ocean, Haley singing opera during her LA commute, Haley secretly plotting a boarding school revolution, Haley on a stage.
I like to maintain my own definitions of “home” and “family”. They are ever changing, and in this way I can find contentment wherever I am. Though we are distant, I have incredible respect for most of the members of my immediate family. Somehow we were all gifted with an outstanding ability to discover, store, use and abuse information. We all seem to crave knowledge, power and recognition, and lately it has become obvious that we will stop at nothing to achieve them—even betraying each other in the process. And so we lead very separate lives with months of space in between out meetings. My eldest sister is a music teacher and a lofty dreamer who deserves no space other than this sentence on my blog because she recently plagiarized some of my work (Not cool, Skye.)  My elder brother is a computer whiz kid who excels in cyber security. I’m a trained actor who recently ran away to join the circus. My little sister is a 16-year-old college sophomore aspiring librarian genius with one novel under her belt and another on the way. My little brother tap dances like a fiend and has more spunk than anyone I know. I am the middle of five children, and my need to consistently be adored (and to adore others) reflects this.

I am an artist and I believe that the label refers to not only one who creates art, but also to one who lives life in an artistic manner. That said, I consider myself a work of art and use my body as a canvas for beauty. I prefer to add value to the aesthetic nature of this world and do so through the use of dresses, tiny waistlines, and high heels. Elegance is always the goal , but be aware that elegance comes not from material positions or flawless manners but from genuine generosity of the heart and honest simplicity. This sort of innate purity is something I lack; that is to say, I was born into ugliness and do not possess a natural habit towards kindness. Instead I am a bully, an angry and wicked queen who spent childhood fighting for survival, not practicing her manners. My transgressions are numerous and I have spent a better part of my life lying, cheating, stealing and manipulating others because I felt I had to in order to endure… and if I may expose myself more, I’l admit that I took great pleasure in the mental prowess of it all. I am a wretched girl and am so very jealous of those who can go about with unending lightness in their heart as though they’ve never seen the evils of the world. Often, they haven’t– and I start to forgive myself for the chip in my shoulder. Admittance is the first part of any healing process, so in acknowledging my misfortunes I might take a step toward fixing them. In fact, many steps have already been taken and I am almost ready to take on the world, a full and complete human bean (not being, but bean) full of love. I can forgive my own transgressions fully only if I look to love as my guiding force in every action, word, and meal.

And yet, I enjoy myself. My conversation becomes witty and delightful as the nights wear on. Microwaves have no place in my kitchen and TV’s no place in my living room. Behind my little home you’ll find a well-loved garden fully of herbs and a few onions—it’s barren for winter but come spring it shall flourish. Lately I’ve come into some new friendships that I hope will be long-lived, and I’ve rekindled old friendships that begged to live on. The circus and I are getting along swimmingly and my dedication to the training is surprising even myself.

So there I am, and here’s to being a freak for the rest of my life. Onward!